Category Archives: A

GODZILLA SEASON: Film Review No.294: All Monsters Attack

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I’m really quite annoyed that I couldn’t get hold of a copy of Destroy All Monsters. The reason is because I have now had to watch two of the most misguided Godzilla films of the Showa era in a row. The last film I reviewed was Son of Godzilla. A film that features Godzilla playing pops to a baby Godzilla known as Minilla. That film may have been first of the Godzilla films squarely aimed at children, but it did at least bear the hallmarks of the sci-fi elements you expect from the series along with the sort of characters you expect. All Monsters Attack is odd. Really odd. How odd? Click the link below and I’ll explain.

Go, go, Godzilla!

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Film Review No.292: The Amazing Spider-man 2

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Did you know that both Spider-man and Godzilla make an appearance in the original version of the Mega Drive classic The Revenge of Shinobi? No? You didn’t care? oh… sorry. Was just trying to tie this review into Godzilla Season. I mean, this film has just kind of appeared right in the middle of my efforts to review as many Godzilla films as I can. Kind of a dick move Sony. Anyway, I just got back from seeing Amazing Spider-man 2 and after the link is my thoughts. The review will discuss spoilers but I’ll keep the most important of them at the bottom of the post and clearly signpost the, first. There is various small plot details littered throughout though. Click the link below for the full review!

Remember the Enter Electro game? That was kinda cool


Film Review No.243: Alan Partridge – Alpha Papa

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Here’s a thing that bugs me. There was an Ali G and a Keith frigging Lemon movie before there was an Alan Partridge one. What the hell is wrong with the world that Keith smegging Lemon gets a film made and released theatrically before the king of North Norfolk Digital does? That legit annoys me for two reasons. 1) Keith lemon sucks and b) Keith lemon sucks balls. I’m so sharp and cutting with my wit. Anyway, the Alan Partridge film is finally a thing and I saw it last night. Is it a big plate providing more value for money than the standard plate or is it a mentalist you wish to get away from? Click the link below to find out!!!

Ah-haa!!!


Film Review No.242: Ashens And The Quest For The GameChild

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You know what I love about all these crowd sourced things these days? Occasionally something people fund gets made on time and turns out good. Amanda Palmer did an incredible job of that with her Theatre Is Evil Kickstarter. Earlier this year world famous internet reviewer of tat Stuart Ashen (or is that Ashens?) launched an Indiegogo project to fund the production of an Ashens movie. Yes, at some point, whilst hunched over the sofa possibly reviewing some Poundland wrestling figures, Stuart Ashen thought to himself “I could make a film of this you know”. Thankfully, at some point after this revelation, Ashens realised it would probably be better to make an actual film than a 2 hour review. And so here it is. Ashens and the Quest for the GameChild, the feature length adventure of one Stuart Ashen searching for the single greatest piece of tat in the world. Click the link for my review, and the full film itself. Cos it’s on the YouTubes!!!

This link is like opening a blind bag, except with less disappointment inside.


Film Review No.221: Aliens (Special Edition)

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God damn it I have been slacking off recently. Had all sorts of things pre-occupying my time though what with my recent redundancy. But now I am unemployed and so have nothing better to do than watch films and write reviews. Well, other than try to find a new job that is. 90 reviews ago I covered Alien, and right before that Prometheus. I did toy with the idea of doing a season of all the Alien series but I was headed to Sweden for a few days at that point and decided I’d just skip the review season idea. This may or may not have also been because I really don’t want to watch Alien Resurrection and the two Alien Vs Predator films. I will get to them someday, but believe me, I am in no rush. So, Aliens then. Click the link.

Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away? Cos I hope so, it’ll make me look better.


Film Review No.214: The Artist

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During 2012 a number of films were released that could almost be seen as love letters to the history of cinema. We had Hugo which featured the early career of George Melies and many silent cinema nods. Cabin In The Woods played out as one huge love up/damnation of the horror genre which simultaneously paid tribute to classic horror whilst showing you how horror worked and, by proxy, how simple horror has recently become. Mark Cousins released a beautiful 15 hour long film about the Story Of Film which is a must watch for any film fans. Today’s film is another of these tributes to classic cinema in the form of The Artist. At The Oscars last year it was The Artist and Hugo that swept up a lot of the awards, which kinda says a lot about how nostalgic the Oscar committee are. Does The Artist manage to be more than just a tribute to the early days of cinema? Well, click the link for my irrelevant views.


Film Review No.186: A View To A Kill

This is it. It’s all over now. The Roger Moore era is finished. All I have to do is get this review out the way and I can get onto the clown suit and space adventure free Timothy Dalton era. So as A View To A Kill opens James Bond is completing a mission in Siberia to recover a microchip, he naturally gets attacked. Bond makes his escape by skiing away… Isn’t this like the 4th ski chase? He gets on a snow-mobile which promptly gets destroyed. This doesn’t stop Bond though as he takes the front ski of the snow-mobile and snowboards over the glacier… And then a cover of The Beach Boys Californian Girls starts playing. Ugh. Its 1985 and director John Glen has just made the brand new sport of Snowboarding look outdated by playing The Beach Boys over it. I guess we’re still undermining drama with poor attempts at humour then. On with the review…

What does “A View To A Kill” even mean anyway?


Film Review No.164: The Adjustment Bureau

Sorry about he slight break with these reviews. I started a secondary blog called The Games Dump with which to post mostly video based content about games. Turns out I’m a really slow editor and easily distracted and so it took me 2 weeks to finish a simple 9 minute video. Because of that I struggled to find the time to write a review. But that video is done and now I’m back on track for some movie based writing. Today’s review is for the paranoia thriller-cum-romance The Adjustment Bureau. Click the link for my review.

Fun fact: I finally learned how to spell the word “bureau” today.


Film Review No.143: The Amazing Spider-Man

Some films exist for the sake of art. Some for the sake of entertainment. But some, such as the subject of today’s review, exist for the sake of business. Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire walked from Spider-Man 4 shortly before production began due to issues with production dates and so almost immediately Sony got to work on a reboot of the Spidey series. They kind of had to though. If they hadn’t the Spider-Man license would have reverted back to Marvel and we’d probably have Spider-Man in our Avengers by now. Thankfully though Sony didn’t go the same route as the original Fantastic Four film did when it was faced with asimilar dilemma. Instead they knuckled down, put together a good crew headed by a strong director and got to work on The Amazing Spider-Man. And I’ve just seen it. Click the link for the review…

Does whatever a reviewer can.


Film Review No.134: The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn

When I was a kid I used to watch Herge’s Adventures of Tintin on Channel 4 here in the UK. It was a pretty cool adventure cartoon series but it was never my favourite. I grew up at the exact time Transformers blew up and so you can understand why the adventures of a boy, his dog and a drunken sea captain wasn’t my top show. That said I’ve always enjoyed and respected the work of Herge’s Tintin despite it’s complete lack of giant robots that turn into cars.. Enough for me to approach this Tintin movie with a little bit of caution. Mostly that caution was down to the two main creative forces behind the film, Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson. Neither have been putting out there best works in recent years, both have been overly prone to either self indulgence or misguided ideas. Both issues show up here but thankfully not so much as to damage the film. Click the link for my full review.

SPIELBERG’S ADVENTURES OF TINTIIIINNNNN!!!!


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